This year, like every year before, I made a vague claim about wanting to participate in nano. Alright, that already is a lie. Most years I talk about doing it half-assed because I get so busy/distracted/tired and I stop keeping track of my progress and continue at my own pace. Something no writer should be ashamed of but I always took it pretty hard since the very first baby drafts of TSS were written in a handful of months.

So I set out, bright and bushy-tailed to begin work on my nano project. This year I worked on a historical fantasy about two women who hate each other and have mystified historians with their twenty-year rivalry and the one night they spent alone. I picked this project because I’ve been really into early medieval history lately, trying to dissect the private lives of historical figures who have very little available information, and clearing up misconceptions about historical attitudes about sex. I could likely write an entire series on the subject but this book is only about these two women and what they did to each other. By November 1st, I did have one chapter written from a few months prior but I hadn’t touched it since because of my progress with OBS (which, more on that and my stalled last two chapters later). I had felt a bit blocked before then because I had once again chosen a narrative style out of my comfort zone. The story is told half through the POV of one of the women (Cierra Dimmock) but also from the POV of various historians, contemporary documents, poems, journals, etc. and I hadn’t actually planned for how I would get through it.

In a shocking twist, I quickly found the parts outside of Cierra’s POV the easiest to write. I spent the entirety of Day Two writing a treatise from a fictional priest who had a lot to be upset about. It helps that the story mentions a lot of seemingly endless side characters, but I was trying to really build the framework of the world and the intensity of differing opinions and contradicting opinions. In a way, I guess I realized I wanted it to be almost read as if Cierra’s narration is no more “true” than the second-hand observations seen in the other documents or the speculation dreamt up by the historians writing about these events.

I fell into a sort of rhythm. Cierra’s chapters ended up mostly being dialogue between her and Princess Matilde, her rival who has to spend a night in her home before probable execution. It was hard, because their current characters were twenty years older than the events the other “chapters” were describing and providing context for, and I was weaving back and forth and didn’t want to reveal any information too soon or too late. I was also feeling out their dynamic and I realized I wasn’t yet set on what I wanted it to be. Early on, Princess Matilde presents as a loud bully while Cierra seems the demure victim, but I wanted it to be deeper than that. Obviously, as when I first posted the idea I called it enemies-to-lovers, I couldn’t have Cierra be a walking punching bag so instead she became someone who held a grudge, who was angry and full of hatred but knew how to keep it to herself. Princess Matilde became the more impulsive one, easily insulted and quick to make a scene. I think they play off each other well.

Next few days are a blur if I’m being honest. First, too much work, then some much appreciated time off to try and get ahead. I introduced the character Sabina Spahr, one of the main historians obsessed with this time in this world’s history and particularly the figures surrounding Cierra and Princess Matilde. I loved switching to Sabina whenever I found myself backed against a wall, she was a great excuse to add some context and say things I thought would be weird for Cierra or Princess Matilde to bring up (much of which pertains to their own histories or personal relationships with other characters).

Part of the point of this project was, as said, I was really into early medieval history. I’ve had some slightly pretentious thoughts in the past about medieval fantasy and the faults I find in that subgenre, as well as my opinions on how this era of history is treated in media at all. I wanted to talk about it. I’m by no means an expert, but I was reading a lot more nonfiction about it at the time and believed I had something to say. 

(For some reason I have no screenshots of days 10-11 but this is when I hit the 20k mark)

That was the high point of the month. I would never write so much at one time again, or I at least I wouldn’t be a little bit ahead again. The rest of the month was a struggle to keep up and it was brutal.

The key problem I ran into is one that’s not unique to me or even this project. It is my constant plight and you’d think I would have found a workaround by now. I didn’t outline. I almost never do, but in this case when I got stuck I didn’t want to give myself a few weeks to think it out.

So, the problem here is while forty-something and fifty-something Cierra and Princess Matilde have their last dialogue, all the other characters are building up to this main incident that took place between them. There are other, more minor events the book covers to explain this history and why these two women had such strong feelings against the other, but it all culminates to this big event that leaves one humiliated and the other narrowly avoiding death. I knew this and there was a lot I wanted to talk about in relation to covering aspects of sex-related history, but how to begin to cover this huge event and the build up to it stressed me out. I wouldn’t say I was stalling, because that would imply that I believe any of what I wrote is needless clutter, which is also untrue in my opinion. There was a lot of pressure to do it “right” which is funny because no one was reading this along with me and no one had any idea about what the event was so how could they be disappointed in its execution? There’s no answer to that. I just enjoy stressing myself out.

At some point here I get loaned a new laptop that’s easier to take on the go so some of my writing is done away from my homebase, but more importantly I miss a screenshot or two.

Y’know what’s funny? Very few of my stories feature a high focus on traditionally fantasy aspects. This is not something I’m insecure about but for some reason at about this point I got very worried there were too few fantasy things going on in this book. I mean, I cannot stress enough, while I was clearly inspired by real history, nothing that happens in the story is real. It doesn’t even take place in a real setting, but I got paranoid anyway and very distracted about how I would get people to read it. I still think about it.

Lost a few days before and between these two screenshots. Or I could just not have been writing, I’ve already forgotten. The end was the hardest, and not even because I knew the story was over. I was originally shooting to write ‘The End’ as part of my 50k but as I got to this point it became abundantly clear that was unrealistic. Still, I don’t think I’m far off. I did finally reach the beginning of the “big event” and once that has been told there’s only a few more ends to tie up and then I’ll be done. (My current tragedy is that Decemeber has been less forgiving to my writing schedule than I would have hoped).

Half of this I wrote in bed at around 1am before I had to get up for work. I was vibrating and I was a little disappointed I finished so quickly. I was done during my lunch break practically and when I came home I went to sleep and celebrated at around 9pm with some lasagna and talking my husband’s ears off.

I’m still very proud of myself. The only thing keeping me from being giddy is the fact that the project still isn’t finished. But it’s so close and despite its…weird narrative choices I still cannot wait to share it with everyone.